


he will try to take away my pain

by captkey



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Vomiting, not graphic but it's definitely present, this is just... very extremely soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captkey/pseuds/captkey
Summary: Steve misses his mom and Tony gives him a big hug about it. That's it.-pre-relationship stevetony feat. pining, depressive episodes, affection, a not insignificant amount of anxiety, more pining... truly what's not to love
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 9
Kudos: 75





	he will try to take away my pain

**Author's Note:**

> /and he just might make me smile
> 
> title from haunted by taylor swift. didn't write this with it in mind but the energies... tangentially related if you stretch

“Okay, JARVIS. I’m done with this. Lock it up.” 

“Of course, Sir,” JARVIS says, saving Tony’s work and shutting down the holograms.

Tony stretches his arms above his head and cracks his back as the workshop around him goes dark. “What’s going on in the outside world, buddy? Who’s around?”

“Natasha and Clint are at Shield. Dr. Banner is still at the biomedical conference.” 

“Ah. Right. And where’s Steve?” 

“In his bedroom.” 

“What? How late is it?”

“It is four PM, Sir.”

“And he’s in bed? Is he okay?”

“I’m not sure. His vital signs are regular, but this is abnormal behavior for him.” 

“Okay,” Tony says, standing up and tidying his desk up a bit. “Take me to him, J,” he says as he walks to the elevator.

-

Steve is staring at the wall, curled up in a ball, wrapped up in a blanket. He’s not shaking anymore. His face is dry. He’s just staring, barely blinking. 

He can hear the elevator approach and stop at his floor, so he doesn’t jump when JARVIS announces Tony’s presence at his door.

“He can come in,” Steve whispers, not worrying over JARVIS picking up his voice. 

He hears Tony’s footsteps walk from his front door to his bedroom door and stop outside it. If he strains his ears, he can hear the hum of the reactor and the soft beat of his heart. 

Tony knocks lightly. “Steve?” 

“You can come in.” He pitches his voice a little louder this time.

Tony opens the door slowly and takes a slow step inside, unsure of what he’s going to find. Steve turns over from his side to his back, facing up at the ceiling. 

“I came up to see if you wanted to get dinner together tonight. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, we can get dinner.” 

Tony chuckles a little and comes over to sit on the side of Steve’s bed. Steve wishes he could see Tony’s eyes crinkle up the way they always do when he smiles at Steve, but he stays looking up. “You alright?” 

Steve nods up at the ceiling and then turns his face to Tony. 

“What’s going on?” Tony asks softly.

Steve swallows deep, opens his mouth and then closes it. Takes one of his impossibly deep breaths and stares back up at the ceiling again. Tony grabs his hand from where it’s peeking out of the blanket and rubs his thumb over Steve’s knuckles. 

“I miss my mom,” he murmurs. Tony’s heart clenches and he squeezes Steve’s hand in time. “I can’t remember her voice anymore.” His voice doesn’t crack, but only because it’s barely a whisper. 

Steve’s throat moves strangely, and Tony realizes what it is after a second, he looks like he’s going to be sick. Tony watches him for a second, and when it happens again and Steve clenches his jaw, Tony speaks up. 

“D’you feel sick?” 

Steve’s jaw stays clenched and his eyes are trained hard on the ceiling. He’s holding his breath, and Tony takes that as a yes. 

“Come sit up. You’re okay. You gonna throw up?” Steve nods and takes a shallow, small breath. His shoulders are hunched, and Tony’s never seen him like this. “Okay, come on. Let’s go to the bathroom.” 

He slides over on the edge of the bed to give Steve room to throw his legs over and stand and then gets up and follows behind him. Tony stands in the threshold of the bathroom door, unsure whether or not to follow Steve in until Steve drops heavily to his knees in front of the toilet, like his strings have been cut. Tony squats down next to him and rubs a hand up his back. Steve’s breath leaves him in a rush. 

“You’re okay. Just breathe.” 

“That’s the first time I said that. I just realized it, earlier, but that’s the first time I said it.” 

“About your mom?”

Steve nods, breathing erratic. 

“Makes it real.” 

“Yeah,” Steve says on a shallow exhale. 

“Just breathe, alright. Don’t panic. Take one of your inhumanly deep breaths.” Steve does. “Do you still feel like you’re going to throw up?” He nods. “That’s okay. Get it out.” Tony strokes his hand up and back Steve’s back again. “Is this okay?” 

Steve nods, “S’nice,” he grunts out, hands coming up to white knuckle the bowl. 

“Alright,” Tony murmurs. “You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.” 

Tony should be disgusted, but when Steve finally throws up, he just feels his heart crack. Tony keeps up his murmurs and his petting while Steve catches his breath. 

“You still feel sick?” 

“No. No, I’m better,” he says heavily. 

Tony’s hand moves up to the nape of his neck and pets through his hair. “Let me get you a drink.” Steve nods and pushes his head back against Tony’s hand before pushing himself from kneeling to sitting back on the floor. 

Tony fills the glass next to the sink and brings it back over to Steve. 

“Thanks,” he whispers. 

“You’re welcome. You okay?” 

Steve nods and Tony squeezes his knee, then leaves his hand resting there. It’s been getting harder and harder lately to not touch Steve whenever he’s in arms reach, and Tony feels that this incident is just going to exacerbate that. He’s never seen Steve this vulnerable before, and now he feels this urge to protect him, to take care of him, more than he ever has before. 

“I’m supposed to…” Steve starts. “I’m supposed to be perfect.” His voice cracks and his face crumbles and Tony’s other hand reaches out to hold him. “How could I forget her?” 

“Steve. You’re a human being. You’re a human being who let a mad scientist pump him full of drugs, but you’re still a human being with human memory.”

“I’m not though,” he interrupts. “I have an eidetic memory now.” 

“You’re a human being. And you did not forget her. You still remember being with her, and how much you love her, and how much she loves you. One little piece of her gone isn’t everything about her gone.”

“I really liked the sound of her voice.” 

“I know, baby. I won’t tell you it’s okay, because she’s your mom, and you can miss her, you’re gonna miss her no matter what I say or what I do for you, but you’re going to be okay. You’re gonna be alright. I promise.” 

Steve nods, his face still crumpled up. A tear drops down his sharp cheekbone and Tony moves his hand from its place on Steve’s knee to hold his hand again. 

“Oh, honey.”

Steve’s free hand swipes at his face and Tony grabs that hand too. “Sorry,” Steve says. 

“Don’t. It’s okay.” Steve breathes. “You wanna get up off the floor?” 

Steve laughs wetly and nods. 

Tony groans as he stands up and twists his spine. “This is the real reason I don’t drink anymore, so I don’t have to spend time on bathroom floors.” 

Steve stays sitting, his ankles crossed in front of him, looking up at Tony, his face wide open and soft. 

“What?” Tony asks, equally as soft as Steve’s expression. 

Steve just holds his hand out and Tony looks at him playfully incredulous. “Really! You need my help! Old man.” 

“Always need you,” Steve says as Tony pulls him to his feet. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve firmly doesn’t let go of Tony’s hand and Tony always tries hard to keep this thought out of his head, but he loves Steve. It’s not something he can get rid of, he doesn’t know how to stop. He just loves him. There’s nothing he can do. He just holds Steve’s hand back just as tight. 

Steve leads Tony out through his bedroom to the couch in his apartment and sprawls out over it while Tony stares down at him. 

“You’re not feeling sick anymore?”

Steve shakes his head. “No. It was just anxiety.”

“Does that always happen when you’re anxious?”

“No. Sometimes, but not every day. I mean every time.” 

Tony doesn’t want to know if ‘every time’ really is every day. He doesn’t want to know what Steve is even referring to when he says throwing up doesn’t happen every time. Panic attacks? Depressive episodes where he stares at the ceiling under a pile of blankets? “You hungry now?” he asks instead. 

“A little, but it’s still early to eat.” 

“We can order anyway. If you’re hungry now you can eat, or you can wait. But between your super soldier metabolism and the fact that you just threw up everything you ate today, you should eat if you’re hungry.”

Steve nods. He’s still quiet and subdued, not back up to his normal self yet. 

Tony orders for both of them, knowing what Steve likes and that he wouldn’t order as much as he needs to eat, and throws on a movie he knows Steve hasn’t seen yet but that doesn’t require much attention if he doesn’t feel up to watching. 

Steve sits up and pats the spot next to him for Tony to sit down on. 

“Thanks for taking care of me,” he murmurs, leaning his head on Tony’s shoulder. 

“You always need me, I’ll always be here to help you.” To love you. 

“I know you will.” 

It’s always like this with him. Tony tries to say something sweet in response and Steve says something totally disarming back. So sure of the fact that Tony loves him. Somehow that’s terrifying and comforting at the same time, being so transparent. He thinks Steve can probably see through anyone, though. 

The weight of Steve’s head resting on his shoulder is heaven. How such a simple thing can be so heavenly, Tony’ll never know. He doesn’t think something so simple has ever brought him this much pleasure in his life. It’s in the way Steve’s fine hair brushes against the column of his neck. The way he can smell Steve’s coconut shampoo. 

He can’t stop himself. He leans down and kisses Steve’s temple, his heart beating a little faster. Steve just leans further into him. 

-

Later, there’s takeout box upon takeout box strewn over Steve’s coffee table, another episode playing on the tv. 

“Can we talk about how you said you have an eidetic memory?” 

Steve turns from where his focus was locked on the show to Tony, but he doesn’t stop shoveling lo mein into his mouth with his chopsticks. “Of course I do. How else do you think I remember all of the dumb shit you tell me.” 

Tony wants so badly to pull Steve’s smirk against his own smile and keep it there until he runs out of breath, but he doesn’t, not yet. Instead he just rolls his eyes. “Don’t talk with your mouth full. Tell me everything you remember.”

Steve just laughs. “Everything? Do you have ninety years to listen?” 

I would spend my whole life listening to you talk about nothing, Tony thinks.

Not yet. But soon.

**Author's Note:**

> first fic i'm publishing since i used to write hunger games fic on ff.net in sixth grade ! good to be back lol 
> 
> (not beta read, just edited by me. HMU if you catch mistakes ! also i'm new to tagging obv so lmk if there's stuff i should throw up there. ok THANKS)


End file.
